Kate and Joel Feldman are psychotherapists who specialize in the field of Relationships. We happen to be married (25 years) and best friends for even longer. During that time we have been lucky enough to work with and train many couples and individuals seeking to deepen their relationship journey and grow themselves.
Our fascination with the world of relationships, including our own, is an ever present delight and opportunity for endless personal development, shared satisfaction and plenty of good chuckles.

Love=Rejoicing in the Otherwise

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What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do…?” Friedrich Nietzsche
Hmmmmmmm….Leave it to Nietzsche to provide us with a gem to contemplate. Are we supposed to love another because they are so incredibly different than us? How strange. Most of us think that, as a couple we should have more similarities than differences. That’s the way it was when we first got together, fell into love, right? In the best of all possible worlds wouldn’t our love affair continue on forever, two people gradually, gently, effortlessly merging into the bliss of Oneness? Help us out here, Nietzsche old boy……rejoicing in the “otherwise”??? You can’t be serious now, can you? (“Hello…. my name is Nietzsche, not Barry, serious is my middle name”)

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Alright, I can wrap my head around the understanding part; we were raised differently, schooled differently, believed differently and all that. I can understand that we’re different. But rejoicing in those differences? That’s another subject altogether! You (Nietzshe) can afford to be philosophical about all that. I mean, after all, you get paid to theorize about such things. I wonder though how you feel when your partner takes your carefully squeezed and rolled tube of toothpaste and utterly destroys all your meticulous work? How’s the rejoicing part working for you now Freddy? As a matter of fact, teeth, specifically my partner’s teeth, seem to be causing me problems lately.Her otherwise is that she takes great care of her teeth, way better than my otherwise….loosely labelled somewhere between tooth slacker and “no stain no pain”. As we like to say, “there are no mole hills in relationship”, and the discussion about the proper way to care for one’s teeth can quickly become just as slippery a slope as any meatier, more serious topic. Wrapping our arms around the differences of our partner (especially those that intimidate us) takes a willingness and skill set of relating consciously with one another. If we’re real good, or real lucky we may be successful. Rejoicing in those differences, now there’s a place where only true lovers dare to go.

How about sharing with us 1 way you rejoice in your partner’s “otherwise”. Pass it on to them so they know too!

2 Comments

1

Very thought provoking, as are all your posts. Keep up the good work!!

2

Thanks Anne, appreciate your support!

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