Archive for Beyond Blame
May your intention be clear and your patience ever-present.
May you criticize less and forgive more.
May you be strong & address the tough stuff.
May you make more requests and fewer demands.
May you have compassion for the challenges of your beloved.
May you communicate your needs more and expect less mindreading.
May you look for more of what your beloved is doing right than wrong.
May you choose to listen, even when it’s tough (& you think you’re right).
May your appreciation for each other flow from your lips many times a day.
When your partner tells you something you’re doing bothers or hurts them,
may you look for what makes sense and work at changing yourself.
May you become even more skillful at resolving your disagreements.
May you make more time to generate loving feelings together.
May you shut your computer and open your heart.
May you laugh and play together more.
May you touch more.
May you Do less
and Be more
Kate and I highly value a skill we call “Self Soothing” because we know that our partners, family members and friends are virtually guaranteed to trigger age-old reactions in us. Of this we can be certain. In order to create a safe space for our closest relations to let us know what happened, we must be willing to listen carefully to “their world” or their perspective on what happened. This is one of what we call the “willful practices” on the path of relationship. When we can’t hold onto ourselves, we are bound to interrupt our partner and usually kick-off another round of defensive behavior that often devolves into the blame game, you know how it goes, “I’m right, you’re wrong, here’s why”.
I was feeling poetic and penned this little self reminder this morning. Hope it’s helpful.
You’re upset…I can breathe and relax…
And let you be upset…And breathe some more….
And try to feel your pain, even if it’s me you’re upset with…
I can relax….And hear about what’s upsetting you…
I don’t need to defend myself…I don’t need to justify my behavior…
I can breathe and just be with you…In your upset….
I may have defensive thoughts from time to time…But you still are not wrong… Read More→