Comments on: Relationship Guessing Games

By: Kate Feldman

Kate Feldman — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:17:14 +0000

Just the other day, working with a dear couple we have known for years, I mistakenly guessed what one of the partners was going to say. I jumped in. “Pounced” were her words. This was a big blooper in our relationship because I really hurt her by assuming I knew what was coming. We worked it out with a lot of love and me owning that I made a mistake, but I am aware how the simplest assumption or “guess” can have a huge impact.

“Why”? I asked myself later, “couldn’t I have taken a breath and waited?”. Then I thought about all the times I guess what Joel is going to say or do and then have a reaction BEFORE I EVEN KNOW. This is another form of the guessing game: Make up in my head what’s going to happen and then have a hissy fit. Maybe he does it and maybe he doesn’t but guessing ahead of time causes me all kinds of agonies. Why not WAIT and then CHECK IT OUT?

I’m a work in progress, as the song says.

Thanks for the entry honey! IT really got me thinking.

By: Wandajune

Wandajune — Wed, 13 May 2009 16:45:13 +0000

First a disclaimer–I too slurp. I was touched by your account of the tender exchange between the curious subject and his beloved Queen. IMHO, explanations can be an inverse form of nagging…they are often about as effective. Joel, I so love your weekends for helping me stay on track to keeping my heart open and curious. Looking forward to seeing you and Kate in a couple of weeks.

By: joelfeldman

joelfeldman — Wed, 13 May 2009 12:38:36 +0000

Sixteen years already?! I guess we already had some hint by then that our differences would either be our downfall or our deliverance. I’m so glad you two dears are still celebrating yours. Can’t wait to see you!

By: Joyce

Joyce — Wed, 13 May 2009 11:36:07 +0000

Love this and all your musings, Joel! Can’t wait to be with you and Kate at Kripalu for the couples program. Rudy and I are primed for a weekend to focus on us. You actually talked about discovering and celebrating differences during our wedding ceremony (yes, readers, Rudy and I were incredibly fortunate to have our wedding in 1993 officiated by Kate and Joel). We are continually finding more ways in which we are different and we have learned to joke about being “perfectly incompatibly compatible” whenever these big-little difs come up. See you soon in the Berkshires!

By: joelfeldman

joelfeldman — Tue, 12 May 2009 21:54:17 +0000

Thanks for the great advice….and what, my friend, do you suppose that will get me????

By: Kenn Holsten

Kenn Holsten — Tue, 12 May 2009 13:41:06 +0000

Hi Joel,

I liked your soup slurping piece. My suggestion for next time this happens:
Explain to Kate that you are savoring that first taste and also enjoying the “nose” of that delicious soup and to do both there is a certain way you need to take in the very first spoonful that may seem like slurping to someone who is not a soup gourmand, much like a wine expert’s sniffing around the glass before tasting can look like a dog sniffing a fire hydrant to someone not in the know.

Keep on bloggin!

Kenn

By: Virginia Wright

Virginia Wright — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:16:13 +0000

Sipping is acceptable – not as noisy. Am looking forward to the rest of this article. Have been married (to the same guy) for 33 years. It’s definitely been a journey. LOL

By: joelfeldman

joelfeldman — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 18:36:53 +0000

Ouch! Women Against Slurping unite. Uh, hello out there….am I the only lonely slurper around ??

By: Liz Amason

Liz Amason — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 10:56:10 +0000

Slurping is gross and the woman is always right ! Choose your battles