Archive for Feelings
Letters, We Get Letters(about Relationships…)
Posted by: | CommentsHi Joel,
I was wondering if you could give me any advice on dealing with jealousy in a relationship? I love my partner and for a lot of the same reasons that I love him I tend to get insanely jealous over stupid things. I’m working with myself on a lot of things in particular that seem to come completely naturally to him, but I have a hard time not getting bitter about it. I know my bitterness 
is misplaced, so I try to repress it and then it ends up coming out some other time, causing some completely ridiculous argument. I know that I could sit down and list all my good traits or have him point out what he admires about me, but I wish I could just get my mind to stop comparing us all together.
Hiya Dear,
Thanks for writing so honestly on a topic we can all relate to. Here are some thoughts about your situation. Feel free to ask more if needed.
Most of us partner with someone who has different skills and qualities than we do. What they can naturally and easily do well, we may have to work really hard to accomplish, if we even want to put our energy into those endeavors. Even then we may not ever reach their skill level. Usually, we too, have areas of natural expertise that our partners may find difficult for themselves. Hopefully we don’t downplay those too much!
Sometimes, in a couple, one person is more of a “glass half empty” type (like me) and looks more at what’s missing. The other is often more a “glass half full” person, and seems to pay more attention to their wholeness. When our focus is more on “where we’re not” it’s easier to feel bad in comparison to another. “Glass half fullers” (like Kate) don’t tend to go there, at least not in the light of day. Read More→
Take a Look in the (Relationship) Mirror.
Posted by: | Comments
To be successful in a committed relationship will always require us to look at ourselves. To deeply check out my motives for acting as I did, to consider the deeper feelings that were stimulated in me and to see if I acted in the way I would have wanted to. There is no doubt that my partner acted in a way I didn’t like. It may have hurt me. It certainly didn’t meet my expectations. I can blame her all day and all night, but what will that help me learn about myself? In the end, we will both need to choose to hold the mirror up to ourselves and see what role we each played. Sometimes those roles get a bit subtle and require a good, long look. My behavior may have been unconscious but nonetheless real. Sometimes my inability to decide quickly will cause Kate to move into “fix it” mode. I may have a complaint about why she did that, but she will also say that I had a role in it as well. I then get to choose whether to go on trying to prove that I am “right” or letting her know both how I felt and what I did to provoke her behavior. Usually, if I am upset, I have to calm myself down before it’s possible to really look inside. There’s is usually something I can own. Whenever I can do that AND communicate it skillfully we both get to learn something and come back into Connection much more quickly.
Will you let go of being right and own your part? Tell us, tell your partner, tell the world!
